


Dissatisfied

by yukkueri



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Brothers, Child Na Jaemin, Crush at First Sight, Heavy Angst, Jealousy, Love at First Sight, M/M, Mark Lee & Lee Taeyong Are Siblings, Murder, Non-Graphic Violence, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27740362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukkueri/pseuds/yukkueri
Summary: "You must be Mark! Hello, I'm Yuta!"
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Nakamoto Yuta, Mark Lee/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 12
Kudos: 51





	Dissatisfied

**Author's Note:**

> Marks' P.O.V

I remembered when I first met him.

It was the time when I was still a naive child. 

Everyone knows that I had always idolized my elder brother, Lee Taeyong. I wasn't a very bright kid. I'm socially awkward and I don't have that much friends. I had always stick onto my brother like a parasite, following him around and copying every step he takes.

I remembered that day, July 7th, Thursday. Taeyong brought him home for the first time with the excuse of doing research and studies together on a project. He walked into our home with his shy smile, greeting Mom in the most polite way. His smile was glowing and his voice was soft and alluring. I remembered every detail of him; his milky white skin, his cheeks softly tinged with pink, his dark brown hair and his sparkling eyes. 

I remembered how his smile got wider and his beautiful eyes sparkle with interest when he saw me by the living room.

"𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬! 𝘏𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘠𝘶𝘵𝘢!"

I loved how my name rolls off his tongue effortlessly. I was mesmerized just by his appearance. Just as he was about to take his seat next to me, Taeyong had stepped in, clearing his throat and said, "𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘯, 𝘠𝘶𝘵𝘢. 𝘞𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘰𝘵. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘰.." I didn't miss the look he gave us.

Yuta straightened himself, turning away from me immediately before rushing towards Taeyongs' side. Yuta then made his way upstairs first with Taeyong tailing him from behind. I remember the smirk Taeyong gave me before stepping upstairs to his room.

That was the time I knew that I had fallen inlove. I never had believed in love at first sight and had always disagreed..but now, I understand. I couldn't help myself but to think about Yuta everytime I had the chance to. 

I wished I could get closer to him but Taeyong will always get in the way.

Calling out to Yuta oh so 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘭𝘺. Often getting Yutas' attention away from me every chance he get. I couldn't help but to twist my fellings towards Taeyong and turn them into envy and jealousy.

Eversince that day, Yuta frequently visited the house after school. He visited so often, the house would feel empty if he isn't around. Deep down, I loved it. I love how his scent lingers around the furniture. I love how his presence brought live inside the house. The only issue was Taeyong. He's always with Yuta no matter what he was doing. I doubted that they were 'just friends'..but knowing that it was me, I convinced myself that they were just having a normal friendship.

Taeyong would rarely leave Yutas' side but when he does, I always take my chance just to get to know him btter. I wanted to show him that I wanted us to be more than friends. Like I said, I was such a naive kid, I was blinded by my own feelings. 

I knew Yuta never felt the way I feel for him. Everytime we spoke to each other, I gaze into his eyes and I knew that he looked at me differently than how he looks at Taeyong. I hated it. I hated how he only viewed me as a 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥. Worse,he only sees me as 𝙇𝙚𝙚 𝙏𝙖𝙚𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙜𝙨' 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙧𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧. Oh, how I always longed for him to look at me like how he looks at Taeyong. I just wanted him to look at me similarly on how I look at him.

Days become weeks and weeks become months, Yuta still comes over but I noticed that he would stay a bit longer than usual. Not only that, I also noticed how close his relationship is with Taeyong. I always observe on how they look at each other, their touches, the way they talk to each other...𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙜𝙪𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜.

I remember that day.. 27th September. Mom and Dad went out for their date night and I was left at home with Taeyong offering himself to babysit me. It was quite empty cause Yuta would be at home during the night.

While I was finishing my work by the living room table, our doorbell rang. I thought it was the pizza guy, I opened the door and to my suprise, it was the angel of my heart; Yuta. He smiled at me and before he could say anything, Taeyongs' voice rang behind me and inviting Yuta in without even acknowledging me. Taeyong turned to me with a smile. "𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳."He told me before he left, dragging Yuta upstairs. 

I ignored it, thinking that they were working on a school project or something..

Boy, I was wrong.

Hours had passed and both Yuta and Taeyong didn't leave the room for quite a while now. The pizza sent rested cold on the dining table and eventually, our parents came back. 

"𝘠𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘪𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘠𝘶𝘵𝘢 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳. 𝘐𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦?" My mother asked.

"𝘠𝘦𝘴. 𝘏𝘦'𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘛𝘢𝘦𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘴. 𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵." I responded, taking a small bite out of the cold pizza. My mother shook her head slightly."𝘖𝘩..𝘞𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵? 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐'𝘮 𝘢𝘧𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘠𝘶𝘵𝘢𝘴' 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥.." I obeyed, putting the pizza down before running upstairs. I didn't care about anything than to see Yuta, my love.

I reached for the doorknob, opened the door just a crack before peeking in and realizing what was happening.

Yuta had his arms around my brothers' neck, with Taeyongs' arm around his waist and holding him close. Taeyongs' other hand caressing Yutas' soft cheek that I yearned to touch. I stared at them, in complete shock and in the silence I recognized Yutas' voice, whispering Taeyongs' name. His voice was filled with emotion that I recognized was tuned with trust and affection-certainly, with love. Their lips met, and their embrace slowly became more intimate.

I forcefully tore my eyes away from the sight, with tears running down my cheeks like a waterfall. I tried to stop the tears but I couldn't. My heart was broken into a million pieces before running into my room and slam the door, climbing onto my bed and let myself cry.

My mothers' voice then sounded from behind the door."𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘠𝘶𝘵𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘺?"

I tried to hide my sobs, replying my mother with "𝘠-𝘠𝘶𝘵𝘢 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵."

Eversince that incident happened, I hated my brother more and more. My envy possessed me and convinced me that itwas all Taeyongs' fault that he stole Yuta away from me. I always made the dislike towards Taeyong obvious especially if Taeyong is in the room.

Taeyong had graduated from college and I was in my last year in highschool. Everytime Taeyong went out, it's always with Yuta. Eventhough they had been together for a long time now, I just couldn't accept it.

He eventually had enough of my attitude. I remembered the glare I gave him when he called out to me. I ignored him before he grabbed me harshly.

"𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘮?!" Taeyong yelled at me, his eyebrows furrowing in frustration. I went silent.  
"𝘎𝘦𝘦𝘻, 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶?! 𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰 𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦, 𝘩𝘶𝘩?!" He continued beforestaring into my eyes. I darted my eyes away from him before noticing a mocking smirk on his lips.

"𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘠𝘶𝘵𝘢, 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘵?"

I froze.

"𝘐𝘵 𝘪𝘴! 𝘋𝘢𝘮𝘯, 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬.. 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘠𝘶𝘵𝘢 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶? 𝘎𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘶𝘱, 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬. 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴."

It was the first time I had a horrible fight with my brother..That night I mustered up the courage to apologize to Taeyong..

.  
.  
.

"𝘛𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵?"

My father said, pulling my brother into a hug and patted his back. Taeyong was moving away in the city with Yuta so they can start a new life together. Knowing that Taeyong was planning on building a family with him put a bad taste in my mouth.

"𝘉𝘺𝘦, 𝘔𝘶𝘮.." Taeyong said, hugging my mother for the third time and placing kisses on both her wet cheeks. My mother didn't take the thought of her son leaving very well. She wiped her tears before smiling at my brother. "𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩, 𝘠𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘪𝘦.." 

When Taeyong turned to me, his smile became awkward. I stare at him blankly before giving him a smile. "Bye, hyung. I'll miss you!" I said and pat his shoulder. Taeyong then turned away from us and went into the car and driving away. After that, I never saw Yuta again.. He moved with my brother and everything felt empty. The house..The atmosphere..Myself.

.  
.  
.

Weeks became months and months became years. I graduated from highschool and graduated college. I had a job as a music producer and specializes in hip hop. I share a studio with a guy named Lucas and we were pretty chill.  
Eversince Taeyong moved away, we always received letters from him. Packages even. I remembered the day I went home from Daniels' house and saw my parents cleaning up the house and packing our clothes. I raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬! 𝘗𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴. 𝘞𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘺." My mother said, her excitement obvious in her voice.

"𝘞𝘩𝘺..?"

"𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥!"

That broke my heart for the second time.

.  
.  
.

Yuta was beautiful.

We're at the after-party and I couldn't take my eyes from him. He was chatting with his friends happuily and Taeyong had his arm around his waist. I could only focus my vision to Yuta as my mind built up a scenario that will never happen between us.

"𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬.." The angels' voice called out to me before taking a seat infront of me. I looked around, and Taeyong was seen laughing with Johnny further away from us.  
"𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘪𝘵.."He smiled, reaching his soft hand onto my cheek. His smile was so soft, so loving.. It felt like there were only two of us existing in the universe

"𝘖𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦.. 𝘞𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦." He giggled and pulled his hand away from me. I stared at him before he muttered out,"𝘔𝘺 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦! 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘸!" and it hit me.. I was nothing more to him than 𝙇𝙚𝙚 𝙏𝙖𝙚𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙜𝙨' 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙧𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧.  
.  
.  
.

I remembered during the holidays..

Taeyong came back home with Yuta... and they brought someone unfamiliar with them.

"𝘔𝘺 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘑𝘢𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯!" 

Jaemin was their son. The boy was around 7 years old. I noticed that Jaemin resembles Yuta alot. Jaemin had his smile, his looks, almost everything...but everytime I look at Jaemin, I couldn't help but feel the aching pain my chest.. This is Yutas' child.. This is my angels' baby. I had completely wiped Taeyongs' picture away from Jaemins' and Yutas' frame and imagined myself instead..Til the fact I got emotionally attached to Jaemin.. I would do anything just to get Jaemin for myself.

I remember that day. When that incident happened.

Yuta and Taeyong were going out together and left Jaemin with Mom. When I got ready for work, Yuta and Taeyong were already out...and When I came back, they weren't anywhere to be seen.  
I didn't think much of it..

Until two days had passed.

My parents had been worried and had called the police about Yutas' and Taeyongs' whereabouts. They were searching for him everywhere in the district. Jaemin had been clinging onto me in a form of comfort. 

That night, everything went downhill when he heard the news.

'𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙤𝙙𝙮 𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙞𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙇𝙚𝙚 𝙏𝙖𝙚𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙉𝙖𝙠𝙖𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙤 𝙔𝙪𝙩𝙖 𝙝𝙖𝙙 𝙗𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙛𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙗𝙮 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙩. 𝙄𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙪𝙧𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙖𝙣 𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙞𝙚𝙙 𝙨𝙪𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙩 𝙩𝙬𝙤 𝙙𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙖𝙜𝙤 𝙙𝙪𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙠𝙨 𝙡𝙚𝙛𝙩 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙣𝙚𝙘𝙠. 𝙊𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩, 𝙫𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙢 𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙚𝙙 𝙇𝙚𝙚 𝙏𝙖𝙚𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙝𝙞𝙩 𝙨𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙮 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙗𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙡𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝. 𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙗𝙤𝙙𝙮 𝙝𝙖𝙙 𝙗𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙙𝙪𝙢𝙥𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙖𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙠𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙖𝙙 𝙗𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙘𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙛𝙪𝙡.'

At their funeral, I could only stare at Yutas' decayed body. My love, my angel.. He's gone... Then, I turned to Taeyong and all my hate vanished. Taeyong, who had given me alot of support in life, was killed. My mother was bawling her eyes out while Jaemin sat beside her in confusion. The small boy kept tugging on my fathers' sleeve and asking questions like "Why isn't papa and daddy awake? I miss them so much, I want to hug papa again.. Don't they miss me too?"  
In the middle of the funeral, Jaemin went to the caskets, calling out to his parents before I took him away.

Jaemin had no one except us now..

When the funeral ended, Jaemin clung onto me. He was confused on why his parents weren't home with him. I explained everything I could without spilling any tears. 

When Jaemin was asleep, regret quickly washed over me.

...I remembered how Taeyong screamed in so much pain when I swung the bat at him. I remembered how Yuta was struggling against my grip as I strangled him to death. 

The way Taeyong tried to stop me, but he was too weak to do so.. I remembered how their blood spilled on my hands.. How I threw their motionless body into the lake..

I stare at Jaemin with guilt, muttering endless apologies.

His rage cost him two lives of the people he loved.

His envy ate him alive.

Now he will always be dissatisfied.

**Author's Note:**

> Well. It's my first time writing stuff like this... :)


End file.
